Finished

This morning I doubled yoga classes and completed my 30 day Challenge... all 30 classes, done!
I work well with deadlines. Give me one, and that's exactly when I'll finish, no sooner, but I'll get there.
I think this has been an incredibly valuable month for me. I'm still processing a lot of things, and I'm struggling with even more, but I've learned about myself and what I'm capable of, and that's something I need to hold on to. Because I can actually accomplish things, if I put all my energies and focus into them, and I can feel good about meeting goals, even smallish personal ones.

Play Time

Basically all I want to do lately (besides all the damn yoga) is play with my phone. Specifically the camera and editing functions. Which is making me want to go out and play with my big camera, which is making me want to buy new lenses so I can make play time even better. I am addicted to beautiful pictures.

I didn't make these original images, but I took the pictures and played with the editing.

From fabulous Etsy store- solocosmo

Vintage photos from the Hell's Kitchen Flea Market

I'm getting my spring creative itch. Hopefully this year it leads to something productive!

Tuesday Thoughts

The loss of anonymity is a terrible thing.

The loss of innocence can happen at any age.

Understanding your personality type can change your life.

Yes, you are crazy. But you're behaving in exactly the crazy way people would expect if they understood your personality.

You are not special.

You are better than you think.

Sometimes being selfish is the only thing that will keep you from losing yourself.

What the....

I took a sanity and sunshine day off from yoga, mostly because I wanted to finish 'Gone Girl' and listen to music. I also locked my cat in timeout in the downstairs bathroom, since he decided it was a good idea to go all demon-spawn on the dog. And when I let him out, I found a deer head hanging over the toilet. I have no idea how long it's been there. Does it make it feel better when you pee if you can look directly into the face of something you killed? Do you talk to it? 'Hey there, I ate some of you today, and ... fuck, man, you were delicious.".....?!?!?!?! I really don't know how to respond to this.

So instead, I'm going to play a fun song  and never, never go in that bathroom again.

Repeat

How my Sunday goes:

• Yoga
• Shower
• Tea
• Book
• Repeat Tea & Book until dark.

I fell like this is acceptable and necessary for sanity. 

Long Island headache.

Some day I will tell you the story of today, aka 'How I Know I'm Going To Hell', but for now let me just list my day for you:

• Woke up before 6 AM (terrible)
• Worked till 3:15 (terrible)
• Stuffed my face, and drank a big ass raspberry Long Island (pretty good)
• Watched 2/3 of Divergent (meh)
• Missed the last 1/3 because some guy collapsed, and CPR and ambulance panic erupted. (do I need to rate this?)
• Developed a horrible headache on the drive home due to the combination of alcohol, adrenaline, and self-loathing (awful)
• Took a nap (meh)

Now, who's ready to do a double of yoga in the morning?!  Yay?

Snowy Spring

I had the day off, and thanks to my triple play of yoga yesterday, I did not have to leave the house. Which means no real pants or makeup. Which means I look like a freaking homeless person. Oh well. I think my middle school math teacher was the one who told me it takes two to three weeks to make a behavior into a habit, and I always sort of believed it, but never actually managed to make any life changes of my own. I am most decidedly not a morning person. If left to my own devices for days on end, I stay up till 3 AM and sleep till noon-ish. But somehow, today when I had every intention of being in bed till at least 11, I woke up all on my own.... at fucking 9:15. Three weeks of absolutely no days sleeping in, where every day was either work or yoga, and I've managed to destroy my ability to hibernate. But at least the last two days I've gotten somewhat healthy amounts of sleep, so my body seems to be evening out. I changed the ring tone on my phone, so I'm not terrified of oversleeping, and it seems to have worked. I don't recall waking up at 3 AM, or 4:30, or 5:40 (five minutes before the damn alarm for work...grrr). I know I feel stronger, so maybe I'm close to actually feeling like I have more energy, too. I can see the light at the end of the Challenge tunnel, and I've got to say, it's exciting. I've managed to not fall apart too terribly bad. And I think that I'm enough addicted to the good workout feelings that I can scale back and maintain three to four classes weekly without it being too much of a pain in the ass. Here's to progress!!

Post Weekend Thoughts

I'll admit it, those two posts I did over the weekend were completely half-assed. But I posted something! And it's not like I did nothing all weekend... I doubled yoga classes both days, blowing right past the halfway mark. I think I might actually make it! I was thinking a lot about personal motivations as well. At the end of my first Saturday class, right in the middle of shavasana, we got to hear the 'motivation' coming through the wall from the gym next door. The instructor was screaming "GO! PUSH IT! GO! GO! GO!" and other, equally loud but incoherent things in a tone that would have made me give her the hate face and immediately shut down emotionally. Apparently yelling works for some people, but definitely not me. Flash back to my first and only soccer practice: I believe it was fifth grade. Some of the other girls I was friends with had played the year before and won some kind of championship and seemed to really enjoy it. I, on the other hand, had never played. So I show up for the first practice, all excited with my new soccer shorts (they were purple, with white and black beads on the drawstring), ready to have fun with my friends. WRONG. It was conditioning time, which meant adults yelling at kids while they run, and then tossing them balls to block, and if you missed the block you got to run some more. I explained to them that I had never played before, and that no one had yet shown me how to properly block a ball. This is apparently some innate skill I was supposed to have inherited from all the things that do seem to crash into me daily, but sadly, I still missed that damn ball. Whereupon I was told to run sprints. They got my blank face, as I again explained that no one had show me how to perform the skill I was supposed to be demonstrating. Nope, reason didn't work on the crazy adults. I had failed, and I must run as punishment (because running makes you a better blocker...?). So I ran their silly sprints. I ran them all the rest of that afternoon, and then I never came back. Because I am one hell of a stubborn person, and I do not take kindly to raised voices. You want to yell, you better be prepared for me to yell back. Or cry. It really depends on how upset I am. This is why I find yoga so perfect (at least at my studio). It's not about being perfect. It's about being your best you, no matter what version of you shows up that day. You can be tired, sore, limber, bouncy, whatever you are that day, and as long as you're in that room being there for yourself, you have succeeded. I also love that within this challenge time period, I already see myself making progress. And I think my teachers have noticed, too. I'm getting more corrections, but always in a very positive 'you're doing great-now try this, can you feel that now?' kind of way. Which to me means I've progressed out of the 'I'm doing the best I can' phase, and am now in the phase where standing on my head seems like a possibility (years away still, but someday maybe!) I also love the instructor I have on Sunday mornings, because she has amazing taste in music. There is always some gem of a song that I have to ask her about afterward. This was my favorite from yesterday:

Music is always an inspiration, so when you find someone who uses it to make your practice even better you're willing to do crazy things, like wake up for an 8 AM yoga class on a Sunday. Because you might need that song later.

Meatless Friday

This is a mini rant before I pass out.

I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. I hate when people whine during Lent about how they can't have meat on Friday. I don't have meat on any day. I'm alive and doing pretty damn good. YOU'LL LIVE. Also, I'm sorry, but "meatless" shouldn't mean throw seafood on every damn thing you eat, regardless of whether or not the flavors would be good together. Seafood pizza is an abomination. It also stinks up my car and my fridge and makes me want to vomit. Also, I've met some of the nastiest people disguised as pious little old ladies, and wherever you end up in the afterlife, I hope I'm not there.

Sincerely,

Pissy, tired Bad Catholic.

Just push through.

Challenge update: I doubled up on classes again tonight, which puts me back on pace with 13 classes. Yay! However, I can't make it to any Friday classes, so I'll be behind again... meaning another double day on Saturday. I'm starting to feel like a hamster in a damn wheel. Our recycling pickup guy came in to work today, and I was holding a door open with one foot so I wouldn't get locked out while I signed his clipboard. He made some comment on my balance, and I replied that it was all the yoga. When he found out I was doing the 30 day challenge, his eyes bugged out and he said, "Well, how do you feel?" "...Tired....?" It was a good enough line for a laugh, but it's so stinking true. This morning when my alarm went off, I sat up and curled my head into my knees and started to whine. When my husband asked if I was OK I pretty much cried out "I don't wanna get up." So now I'm a tired, whining baby. Who's developing some serious arm and core strength. Yesssss.

Also, Arcade Fire was amazing. Once I finally woke up a bit. And big plus here, my new phone takes effing awesome pictures! I'm excited to keep playing with the functions and in-camera editing, but here's my favorite shot of last night, done two ways.

So much fun to play with!

Zombie day.

That's what I've felt like all day. A damn zombie. Today is my first non-vomiting fail day. I meant to get up and go to 6 AM yoga, but not coming home till after 10 last night from choir practice really killed me. And the 180 the weather did. It's a dark, freezing world out there today. I've been fighting to keep my eyes open for hours now. But that should all change in an hour or two, because it's Arcade Fire concert time!!!!! Did those exclamation points feel forced? ....They were a little. But I really, really WANT to be excited. I'm going to wear a poofy glittery dress. I'm going to put on more eye makeup. I might even have a rhinestone headband somewhere. Maybe I should do some jumping jacks to pump myself up, or I could just listen to this again.

Productive nothing day.

It was an insanely beautiful day today. And I packed it full of things. 6 AM yoga, work, choir practice. Which really makes it sound like a super productive day, but I feel like I've accomplished nothing. Oooh, I did do the dishes and catch up on Once Upon A Time, too. Those count as real things. But it got me thinking about how we love to complain, especially about the weather, especially here in Pittsburgh. We love whining that Seattle sees more sun than we do. But just because I didn't get to enjoy the weather today doesn't mean it didn't exist. It's freaking 66 degrees right now. Yes, we have a winter weather advisory for tomorrow (which can kiss my ass), but today was lovely, and I'm going to count that as a plus in my book.

Also, tonight was the first rehearsal for our Pops concert, and it's Big Band music!! I'm insanely excited, but I'm not going to be able to sing Puttin' On The Ritz without cracking up. Yeah, about the Frankenstein thing, but also my current favorite...

Putin on a Ritz. I dare you not to laugh. 

Apparently I sometimes like pink.

Ever since I was little, my mother tried to shove me into pink things. I'm pretty sure it's because I was her only child, and since she had me when she was 36 she wanted to get every ounce of girly living doll time out of me that she could. So of course, as soon as I was able to have an opinion about my clothes I rejected all the frilly, bow covered puffballs she tried to put me in. Not to say I haven't grown up in touch with my feminine side... I enjoy lace, and most glittery things, but for the most part pink is always off limits. Until tonight. I went to the mall to help a friend find new interview clothes, and god help me, everything I liked was effing pink. I'm not sure if I'm just having one of those opposite days, or if it really is growing on me. I didn't buy any of it, but I looked. I looked hard. Who am I?!

I also wanted this adorable wicker camera purse, which lives in a store with a lot of pink things. Also, I would like some lemonade. 

And I'm feeling good.

Today I took class 10 of 30. I might actually be able to do this!! Correction: I am doing this, and I'm killing it. Or at least mildly strangling it. Either way, progress! Today I was especially proud of myself for waking up since we lost an hour of sleep last night, and I had a brand new alarm to wake up to.

EXACTLY.

Somehow I think the exhaustion from Daylight Savings has combined with the good energy from all the yoga and just canceled each other out. I feel normal. And that's ok. There was a sub leading class today, and while I prefer the flow of my regular Sunday class, I did like some of the thoughts she threw out at the beginning of practice. It's one of progress, change, and coming to know yourself: Practice yoga once a week, and change your mind. Practice three times a week, and change your body. Practice every day, and change your life. It is a lot of work to rearrange schedules enough to have a daily practice, but it does make it much easier to take the work you do in class 'off the mat'. I am a naturally sarcastic and somewhat cynical person... when you grow up on Seinfeld and Friends that just happens. But I should be more aware when I'm using it as humor, and when I'm actually just being a bitch. Yoga off the mat is a lifelong journey, just as I imagine the road to a headstand will be. I have a very round head.

Cat phone.

I rule all.

I finally did it! I finally bought a new phone. This may not seem like a big deal, but technology and I do not get along, and I'm a decidedly old-school kind of person. I like paper books, and typewriters, and darkroom photography, so picking a phone wasn't a decision I could make quickly. I will have this thing till it doesn't work anymore, or till they install chips in our arms that allow us to update facebook and take buzzfeed quizes without cumbersome external devices. And since it has a freaking awesome camera function, I got the Nokia Lumia. It still seems to like me, and it let me take this adorable photo of my fluff bunny, Alice. So watch out, because there are going to be a shitload of cat photos coming your way. 

I also went to two yoga classes. All in all, a very productive day!

What a difference a day (with sun) makes.

Today was something like magic. The sun came out. Coats came off. There were birds, and people were actually smiling. Not the homicidal 'I'll kill the next person who mentions snow' smile, but honest happy to be alive grins. When you work with the public, you really appreciate the difference good weather can make.

Today was also a long day, so that meant no yoga, but I've got my class buffer from Wednesday so I'm still on pace. Go me! But now that I'm sitting here typing, I can tell that it would take me about 30 seconds to fall asleep if I let myself (and I really should).

But first, tiny story. How many people do you know who own The Fifth Element soundtrack? Probably not many. Well, there are two at my work (yes, I'm one of them). Which further solidifies the theory that my friend has about me and our boss being the same person. We have the same nervous tics (or have gradually absorbed each other's) and the same ridiculous expressions, and apparently the same taste in awesome sci-fi movies. So when nothing in life seems to amaze you any longer, just think to yourself, "Holy shit, there are two of them" and the universe shall return to its bizarrely terrifying glory.

Also, this is going to be fantastic. 

And then there was granola everywhere...

A little story about my day.

I usually buy three avocados at a time from Aldi's. They are insanely under-ripe. I ate one with the last bit of my bread last week, then everyone started moaning about the 18 inches of snow we were supposed to get, so naturally I avoided the store like the plague (even though I legitimately NEEDED BREAD). So yesterday I finally took my lazy ass in and got another loaf of bread... and this morning both the remaining avocados looked like Odin's rotten eye socket when I cut them open. Why do avocados have to be so hard?! And delicious? Instead of my amazing breakfast I had planned, I just went for some new cereal (which has coconut in it, so it's still kind of exciting), and since I'm so good at mornings, naturally I exploded the bag all over the counter. The dog thought this was the best day ever. I was not so happy. All. Over. The. Damn. Counter.

This is sadly a fairly common life story from me. And here I thought yoga was supposed to help with coordination and muscle control.

Yup.

It's only day 5?!

So, it's becoming obvious to me that I'm still sick. My stomach is not happy with me. All I want to do is sleep. My eyes are all itchy, and I've started my incessant spring sneezing (even though it's only in the 20's outside). But I have a schedule to stick to, and I'm determined not to eff this up. Because if I can't keep my shit together for a measly 30 days then there's really no point to me trying to do anything else with my life. I'll just curl up in a blanket, binge watch some TV and wait to die. Well, maybe nothing that dramatic... but, yeah. Pretty much, that's what I've got.  So I'm going to push myself and go to two classes this evening (because Friday is a definite no-go). Here's an idea of what I'm going to look like:

But not even that graceful. More faceplant drunk looking. And nowhere near as adorable. And then I'm going to come home and do that same faceplant into my pillow. Yup, I'm killing it. 

I hate winter.

I'm pretty sure everyone will agree with me when I say that this winter has been the worst. I hate it. It needs to die. But I'm back on schedule with my yoga, I didn't throw up today, so things are looking up. And they're starting to add good musical acts to the spring/summer concert lineup, so I'm about to be broke and happy. This is what I'm looking forward to right now... outdoor concerts. Warm weather, drunk people, me getting claustrophobic and yelling profanities at people who are not enjoying the music in an appropriate manner. (This happens a lot, actually. I have issues.) Already on the schedule is Arcade Fire, The Head and the Heart, and Arctic Monkeys. They haven't even released the free festival schedules yet! The possibilities are endless!! And I'm insanely exhausted from too much yoga and vomiting, so this is about as interesting as I'm going to get tonight. I'm aware that this is a pathetic blog post, but hey, I still wrote something. Go me! Time to go pass the eff out.

Well that was fast...

And on Day 3 there shall be much sickness and cursing.

I knew I was going to need that extra class buffer I created on Saturday, but I didn't realize I was going to need it RIGHT NOW. Somewhere in my weekend something inside me went horribly wrong. I know this because 2:30 AM found me curled around the toilet throwing up my previously delicious pasta. And nothing can make you ready for round two quite like recognizing every ingredient of your food floating back up at your blotchy face. Being the responsible adult that I am, I still got up and went to work so that I could do the necessary paperwork and not inconvenience anyone. (I seriously think I fear inconveniencing others more than anything else in this world. Except spiders.) But since I'm not superhuman, I left and came home at 11. There were little voices in my head that got all excited, like, 'Hey, you've got a free day! You should go home and binge watch all the Oscar movies you missed this season... or you could watch all of True Detective... or rewatch Sherlock. Again.' And I thought about doing that. Until I sat down on the bed, and it was just soooo comfy and warm. So I stayed there till 5:30. Yup. I'm awesome at life. Now I'm making friends with some Trader Joe's soup and cleaning out my DVR (which incidentally does involve watching some Sherlock... some things in life are inevitable.)  This day can't be all depressing though, so here's my favorite thing from last night's Oscar show.

Yes. That is Benedict Cumberbatch photobombing U2. My life is now complete.